Thursday, December 11, 2008

SANTACON IS COMING TO BEND....

That's right, folks! Now we don't have to travel to Portland to get our Santa on! Santacon will happen in lovely downtown Bend on Saturday, December 20.



Santacon is an adult-only event. This is not a family event by any means. In fact, keep your children in the safety of your home. Santacon is a collection of santas, spreading cheer through fine drinking establishments, on a scheduled route through downtown Bend. Map to come!



There are only a few rules of Santacon, Affectionately called "The Four Fucks of Santacon". Pay attention:



1) Don't fuck with children

2) Don't fuck with the cops

3) Don't fuck with security. They will call the cops

4) Don't fuck with Santa.



Call other Santas "Santa". Please do not vandalize, steal, or perform other illegal activities, Santa. (See #2. Don't give Santa a bad name).



A few guidelines:

Wear a santa suit. These are cheap (like $15 at Walgreen's). Embellish it as you wish. Bring your ID. Please bring cash, do not expect the poor bartenders to deal with your credit cards. Bring a Santa Safety kit including: taxi cab numbers, valid ID, condoms, your address written down if you can't remember it. Place a glass of water and vitamins at your bedside.

Pace yourselves, people. There is a lot of drinking to be going on....

And for the love of God do not drive drunk Santa!

Okay the route: (disclaimer)
This is purely tentative. I am completely amenable to time and location adjustments. All input is welcome. In fact, I need input. Here we go:

1) 5:30 - 7:00 Meet at Christmas tree by Downtown Martini Bar. Get your drink on there.

2) 7:00-8:00 Wall Street. Porque no?

3) 8:00-9:00 M & J Tavern. Booze, Beer, pool, and smoke.

4) 9:00-10:00 The Summit Saloon and Stage. Big spot, 2 bars, nice owners.

5) 10:00-11:00 The D&D, Corey's. If there is one, I would expect this to be the hour of critical mass. We can cross the street between Bend's most beloved downtown dive bars. One has carpet, the other doesn't.....

6) 11:00-? Astro Lounge? Make our way back to the Martini Bar? Seven? The Blacksmith? Let the people decide!

Again, all input is welcome. When I get technically more advanced, I will create a map. If I was even cooler, I could have it sent to your phone but do you really need that? But I'm not.

5 comments:

  1. Ooooohhhhh! Sounds fabulous! I could use a little Santa in my life right now. But alas, LA is far away. Have a blast!

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  2. Solid Gold Santa Is There!!!!

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  3. The fifth fuck of Santacon Bend: Fuck you all. Where the fuck were you. You fucking suck.

    With love,

    Santa 1 and Santa 2 (and our 3 helpers)

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  4. Solid Gold Santa: Deepest regrets that these santas did not meet up. The santas were out, we did indeed meet at the martini bar at 6, a little late, and the itinerary did morph a little. We wanted to meet you!!! We will never try to fucking suck again....

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